Gum Gurus Pillows

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Self help acupuncture

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Dating is so expensive...

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

Emergency Hipster Beard

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

National Academy of Sport

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

The Cat Spa

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"