Guidebook Skeptic Mugs

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"God works in mysterious ways."

New from Low-Key Press.

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Doing Something About the Weather

Older cousin press

'I haven't been trying for years and look where it's gotten me.'

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

Alternative Accountants

'Self-help books for cynics'

"Bark bark bark woof yap!" It might be good, but I'm just not in the mood for subtitles.

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"What do the know!"

Rational explanations

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

Success Without Effort

'Thank goodness, the publishers rejected my self help book.'

'According to the travel guide this is supposed to be where an attractive Greek maiden sits selling flowers.'

But the brochures says breakfast in bed! Yes, only if you carry your bed down to the dining room!

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

'Bucky's new book, I think.'

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

Down with Chicken Soup Books

Self Help ...Beg, Borrow, and Steal