Guide Reader T-Shirts

'Have you checked the trouble-shooting guide?'

Magazine says 'TV: Includes all digital, cable and satellite listings.' Man says: I've just finished reading the TV guide and it's time for bed.'

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

Flyfishing for dummies.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Here at Global Com we're looking for people can 'think outside of the box'..."

"What would you like to watch again?"

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

"All the celebrities come here."

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

"I'm searching for a happy medium between sitting on a mountain top and eating cheese fries."

'Sorry I'm late everybody,I got lost.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

'You're looking in the wrong section.'

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

Reading in a hammock.

Stories about crumbs

"You are Here" sign on mountain.

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

"Avoiding something, aren't we?"

"Stanley, we're into the summer doldrums again, aren't we?"

Self-realization.

"Everest summit 1 km merge left"

On a mountain top a sign says - Out to lunch back a week from Tuesday.

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

"The guru us out. That's a link to Wikipedia."

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

Who's Who and Who Cares.

"Have you tried spending time with friends who are worse off?"

Legal? Big-shoed clown prepares to kick field goal.