Guide Collector Gifts

Safety Guide.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

The Working Woman's Magazine

Flyfishing for dummies.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Jazz is Invented

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Six jazz instruments.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"I started a collection!"

Waiting Room Quarterly

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Alien Beauty Magazine

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Prayboy

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

Viola, cello, 1st violin and 2nd violin vending machine.

Tiny jazz musicians play large drum and bass.

On the cover of Sports Illustrated - Envy

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

'You're looking in the wrong section.'

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

Federal Guidelines