Guide Collector Gifts

Safety Guide.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

The Working Woman's Magazine

Flyfishing for dummies.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Jazz is Invented

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Six jazz instruments.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"I started a collection!"

Waiting Room Quarterly

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Prayboy

Alien Beauty Magazine

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Viola, cello, 1st violin and 2nd violin vending machine.

Tiny jazz musicians play large drum and bass.

'You're looking in the wrong section.'

On the cover of Sports Illustrated - Envy

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'