Guidance Seeker Pillows

The Self-Help Guide to Choosing a Self-Help Guide

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'Investment advice? Sure...whatever goes up must come down.'

Saint Christopher

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Astral Projection

Zenemies.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Tiny Visions

"All we have left is standing room only."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

My God, I need to fart.

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"