Guffaw Giver Gifts

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

Bagel problems.

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Dr. Simon had a hard time delivering his speech, what with the constant murmur in the room

"Let's make it a few minutes longer and add more inside jokes."

"Unaccustomed as I am to public squeaking…"

'Special Delivery!'

'These days my approach is to start with the Booker Prize acceptance speech and work backwards...'

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

"We're cutting costs by recycling his hot air."

'They're my presentation trousers.'

'Let's see what Santa has in his sack for a little boy or girl...'

'Blah, blah, blah....'

Government Politicians, Who Never Ever Lie

'You're on my soapbox !'

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

"I accept this award...for my team...who are cheering way too loudly."

Great coachees recognise great coaches.

"Well, for starters I'd like to thank me."

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

'Could you speak a little louder?'