Guest List Connoisseur T-Shirts

'If your name's not on the Liszt, you're not coming in.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Men gossiping

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Of pitting his own wits against their natural cunning

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

Bathroom Fairy

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Sculptor's chippings

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

Moliere

Bleak House

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

C Day Lewis.

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

Charles Dickens.

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"Hold that afterthought!"

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

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