Guarantee Guardian T-Shirts

"If you look closely you'll see that your three year guarantee only applies to the years 1968 to 1971."

"He likes it."

US Capitol Building Toppled

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

The proper way to wear your mask

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"With Trump in office, we'll learn if the Constitution protects us from autocrats."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

'Which end's the shallow end?'

Bricklayers in goal.

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

Football Thinker

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

Human rights fish is eaten by a shark.

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

Sometimes I worry about you, Axel. Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians. You don

Bribery

"Er...Eric..."

Only very few of the lumbering giants relied on speed...

'The kids just get so upset when a pet dies, so we decided to get one of these tortoises that live to be 150.'

Julen Lopetegui Agote

"They had to make that it guy the CEO. He won't reveal the Master Password."