Grumpy Theatre-goer Pillows

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Pirate

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

Grumpy Old Men

Global Warming: The Musical.

"I don't like it already."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Why don't you just stop moaning and ask him to take his hat off?"

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

Bakery Window: Cross Buns and Cross Gingerbread Men!

Proud to be a senior citizen and Just give me my damn discount T-Shirts.

'I know a trap when I see one.'

'Your dad can't go on there-the miserable git hasn't got any friends to phone!'

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

'Always arguing, questioning, no patience, no respect for authority...'

Bad King Wenceslas

"The tests show you have an overactive grumpy gene."

Dark Cloud

A Christmas Carl.

The Sour Grapes and its 'Happy Hour' Ban.

'Boy that was a scary movie!'

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

"I'll have a nice day when I get damn good and ready."

"We don't mind where we sit. We're only here to talk."