Grump-buster Pillows

"It's too cold in here. The boss is a jerk. My feet hurt."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Wearing Gloves on Public Transport

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

"My psychiatrist advised me to pay taxes quarterly. That way my seething resentment is spread evenly over a year."

'What are you annoyed about now?'

Crappy Diem

"I hope you realize this is bad feng shui!"

"Sorry, my mind was wandering. Were we complaining about today's youth, the government or the weather?"

So much to be cross about, so little time.

'No, I'm still standing in this stupid line looking at the back of somebody's stupid head.'

'It's like a penalty shoot-out, only when it's my turn the ball morphs into a balloon!'

"I stole your phone, but I'm giving it back. You get so many robocalls, it's just not worth the headache."

"Mr. Stephenson is the subject of a widely anticipated obituary."

"Harold doesn't believe in smiling."

"Mostly, he was just puttering, but now he's also muttering."

"All done with that holiday spirit for another year, are we dear?"

Fussbudget 1989

'To me being crabby is an art form.'

Winter Mornings