Grown-up Kids Pillows

"Don't you think it's time you thought about getting your own place son?"

"This covfefe sandwich you brought over sure is tasty."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'Are we broke yet?'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Peter

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

Origins Of Evolution

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"You used to be a lot more fun."

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."