Adult Kids Pillows

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

'Are we broke yet?'

'Mom! This high resolution screen makes it seem like you're really outdoors!'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

Peter

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Philosopher trading cards.

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Ice Cream Tower.

The dark side of Halloween.

Summer reading for the family.

Onion Tears