Adult Kids Pillows

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Mom! This high resolution screen makes it seem like you're really outdoors!'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'Are we broke yet?'

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

Peter

Philosopher trading cards.

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

Summer reading for the family.

Ice Cream Tower.

The dark side of Halloween.

"Your animal companionship is here!"

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'