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Gambler's Anonymous - "What are the odds on my recovery?"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Plum jam...

"'Fried Ham' on 3..."

Guitarist: 'We can freely improvise some other time ... now let's practise.' (With Derek it was always jam tomorrow)

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

I play the guitar. Deal with it.

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

"I feel proud of the success I've made, thanks for all your support."

"Have you ever heard anyone yell 'EEEK! A psychiatrist!'?"

In a twist on "It's A Wonderful Life," sometimes I wonder what the world would have been like if I HAD existed.

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'

"Let's welcome our new member, Bob!" "You, too!" "'You, too'? Idiot!"

"You remember Champ. . ."

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

"I have a recurring dream that I have a recurring dream, but I can't remember what it is!"

"All he wants to do is chase me around the house!"

Group discount therapy.

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

"I always come here when I need to blow of some steam."

"You're not the first patient I've had who thinks he's a dog, Mr Buxton, so please, get up on the couch."

"I'm in the Bbm7 of my discontent."

"It's great that you both enjoy live music, but who are you and how did you get in our garage?"

A meeting in which issues are resolved and a meeting.

Rugby scrum.

'You have to get out more and meet new people you can find fault with.'