Grooming Geek Pillows

Moustache finder 3000.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Lesser known greek gods,

Dating is so expensive...

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Absolutely not!"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Movember

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

The Cat Spa

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Nice haircut."

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

Hair Traffic control.

"We have a very special relationship with our barber."

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"