Grocery Humor Pillows

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Deliboys

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"I like my steak well done."

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"Hallelujah!"

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

Stay at home food pyramid

Preserved

'The stuff legends are made of'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

"What would you serve with toast?"

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'