Grocery Humor Pillows

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Deliboys

"My guess it's guacamole."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"I like my steak well done."

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

Preserved

"Hallelujah!"

Stay at home food pyramid

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

'The stuff legends are made of'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'I usually discourage high-fat foods, Mr. Hall, but in your case, a Good Humor bar is in order.'

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"What would you serve with toast?"

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'