Grocery Comic Enthusiast Pillows

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

"Keep it in the sling and rub hot sauce on our wing every 4 hours."

Mouse shopping after hours

'Aw, cool! Look! They got us a hot tub!'

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

Low income vampires.

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

'Who ordered the mushy peas?

I'm looking for an entr

"I need one of them and one of them..."

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

That was 16 items.

"That's it, deep fried or mashed. Do you want a job or not?"

'What price range did you have in mind?'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"Keep that recipe handy. The police might want it as evidence."

Do me a favor - don

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'