Grocery Aisle Philosopher T-Shirts

"The chicken came first. Check the expiration date."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"I shop, therefore I am."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

The Origins of Everything

Only One Item or Fewer.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Avocado Timeline

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

Unbeknown to others, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'

'Why make the cake? If he's the Creationist you say he is, he'll prefer you bought it ready made.'

It's crème brûlée, Julia. It doesn't have a subtext.

'I can dish it out, but I can't take it.'

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

"That's your separation anxiety? When the oil separates in your all-natural peanut butter?"

"Who's next?"

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"I think the chef is depressed again."

"Remember...the way to a person's heart is through their stomach!"

"My years of silent seething hasn't had the impact I'd hoped"