Grin-and-dine-it Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I wanted to make sure you were both happy enough with your life to withstand a major setback with your food."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'