Grief Understanders Pillows

"And here I thought you’d just moved to Australia."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

Hedgehog Mortuary.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"I could never leave this place—this is where I grew up."

Former Survivalist

"Trust me - he's going to a better place."

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

"Join us after the service for a celebration of Mark's life. Or alternatively, go with the guys down the back to celebrate Mark's secret life."

The stages of winter

Denial Exit Now: Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance Next 4 Exits.

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

"If anyone asks, we never had this conversation."

'Let's talk dollars and cents. How many 'loved ones' did you lose in the stock market?'

Before I give you the judge's decision on your appeal, I don't believe you've met our grief councilor.

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

"I asked if it would kill her to say'I love you' every once in a while."

"I knew if I started dating again so soon he'd flip out."

"When I got divorced, I went through all the stages of grieving - sadness, anger, denial and punching the air with delight when the settlement cheque came through!"

"You're not even listening, are you?!"

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'

Audrey M. Fishberg - Certified Financial Grief Counselor.

'And I'm sure Brian would have appreciated his facebook friends turning up today.'