Grief Counsellor Pillows

'Thanks for coming in at such short notice, I don't believe you've met Ms. Stapleton...our grief counsellor.'

"Thanks for coming at such short notice to discuss your portfolio. I've also taken the liberty of inviting Miss O'Toole...our grief counsellor."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"Sure, it's disrespectful, but knowing old scamp, he'd want us to dig up his bones."

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

'Touching.'

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

Former Survivalist

"Trust me - he's going to a better place."

"He refuses to let me get on with the grieving process."

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

The stages of winter

Denial Exit Now: Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance Next 4 Exits.

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

"If anyone asks, we never had this conversation."

'Let's talk dollars and cents. How many 'loved ones' did you lose in the stock market?'

"You're not even listening, are you?!"

Audrey M. Fishberg - Certified Financial Grief Counselor.

Before I give you the judge's decision on your appeal, I don't believe you've met our grief councilor.

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

"We're happy that you got great news on your tests. We're still sending in our grievance counselor to help you cope with your medical bill, though."

"I knew if I started dating again so soon he'd flip out."

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'