Greens Giggler T-Shirts

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Oh no. How are you going to get it out of that little hole?'

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"Garden variety allergies."

Hardy Annuals

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Yard Sale

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Beginning Yarder.

"What are you in for?"

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'...and this is the water garden...'

'Where are you going?'

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

Balding gnomes

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"Things are getting really bad around here. Phil, the office plant, was just let go."

Grass saying: mow me/feed me/weed me/roll me.

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."

Swinging through the jungle.