Green Medicine Guru T-Shirts

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

The Busy Gardener

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Self help acupuncture

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

The Environmentalist

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

But is it organic?

Doing the borders.

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Gardener

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

Horti-Culture

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Garden Goddess.

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Garden.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Eco Princess

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."