Grape Cultivating T-Shirts

'You know you should look for another hobby, when your homemade white wines are darker than your reds.'

The Vineyard

Wine Lady

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'Who's the new guy?'

A giant glass of red wine

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Wine tasting

The Grapes of Wrath finally get some professional help.

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

Nouveau wine

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

Schoolboy with lunch box.

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'Hey, if they can grow in Michigan...'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

Wine Lovers

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'