Grants Guru T-Shirts

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

Kirsten Johnson

Guru.

Santa called but you were out!

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

Government and Opposition

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

Great training inspires employees: 'I see myself doing you job before too long...'

Regifts of the Magi