Grandpa Storyteller Gifts

'Those were the days, eh, Grandpa?'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

True confessions.

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

Children's Party

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Grandpa, what was manufacturing?'

Conservative Leadership Renounces Protectionism

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

Not-so-easy listening...

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

'It's a horror-comedy.'