Grandpa's Giggle Club Pillows

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

'I'm with the band.'

Can't read 'SLOW'.

'Blummin' 'eck - a granddad!'

Young MacDonald

'If you want me to mount you 22-pound bass you've got to let go of it.'

Makes me feel young again!

'Do you have any experience in wrongful-death cases?'

'Child resistant cap'

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

Lovers Guide, "I can't get it in !"

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

"Where's the Viagra?!" "Where's the fire escape?!"

'Would you like the correct time and temperature with your transaction?'

'I think the idea of an online dating service for seniors is fine. I just don't think we should name it, 'TimesRunningOut.com.''

'Watching Chet compete with our great grandson to see who can go longest without having to have his diaper changed. What are you doing?'

'I think he has a fever.'

'First time grandfather hey! Me, I'm a great great great great great great great great grandfather...'

"It's time I explained the Birds and Bees and PMS to you."

'There's gin in the thermos. Make sure not to share it with the kids, even if they lose.'

The old geezer was feeling a bit de-flated!

'Grandpa, can your inner child come out and play?'

"My mom's getting remarried and I'm part of the transition team"

"For Sale. Used once by a little old lady in tennis shoes."