Graduating Law School Gifts

'Have I lapsed into legalese?'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Attention, please. At 8:45 A.M. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, you are all scheduled to take the New York State Bar Exam."

Law School Contracts 101: Writing with words nobody can understand.

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

''Congress shall make no law'... now, I wonder what they meant by that...?'

'Would you like my professional advice, or my honest opinion?.'

'We structured the deal so that you'll need a lawyer to explain it.'

'Is there anyway that I could specialize in corporate law and still be one of the good guys.'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"It was right here in this park, Jamie, that I was inspired to become an attorney, when Vinnie Maroney beat me to a pulp."

'Look, I'm sorry... but you could hardly expect me to remember every little thing I learned in Law School...'

"We spent our everything putting John through law school. Fortunately, he's a bankruptcy attorney."

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

"We would like to request a change of venue to an entirely different legal system."

'Are you sure? - I don't feel guilty.'

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law."

"Well, if everybody does it, it must be o.k."

'Finishing law school was easy compared to finding an office.'

I love Lawyers

'Who ever says crime doesn't pay isn't a lawyer!'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

"Sustained!—Prosecution will kindly refrain from flaring its hood."

"Have you notices how Ed has changed since he started going to law school?"

Lawyers - A counsel who is apparently filled with the deepest conviction ... that his client will pay him well.

Ignorance of the Law

'If you want a speedy trial, why do you keep objecting?'

'It's all very well trainees learning in a classroom setting...'

'You can check out that legal text as soon as the computer lets it go.'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'But, Daddy, why do they call something as thick as that a 'brief?''

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'