Graduating From Law School Gifts

'Something about this court makes me uneasy.'

'Your mastery of the facts is no match for my opinion.'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Counsel's Opinion.

An automatic arbitration machine

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

'You need to stay within the spirit of the loophole.'

Lawyers

Arrogant junior barrister

"That's our eyewitness?"

Deep pockets on line two.

"...Please have it be noted that Mr. Jones is a hostile witness."

"I take it the defense rests."

"..political correctness should over ride established precedents."

'Right - I'm going to sue the water company!'

'On the other hand, if we accept confessions extracted under torture then soon they won't need lawyers.'

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

'Your Honor, we can't hear this witness's prevarications... would you please instruct him to lie into the microphone?'

'I'm suing my way through law school.'

"I'm not going to answer that. I refuse to play the blame game."

Preparing justice

Lady Justice.

"Naturally, the list of those of us receiving law degrees would be in small print."

Attorney General Barr

"He said 'stop me if you've heard this before', so, naturally. . ."

Loopholes

'The jury finds the defendant guilty, and advices him to get a better lawyer next time.'

vowel

Barristers

The ceremony of opening term at Westminster Hall

"Looks like we have a full house tonight."

"Sorry, Counselor. I can't instruct a witness to remove a sheepish grin."

"Do I have your lordship's permission to treat this witness as hostile?"

The difference between a tick and a lawyer. A tick falls off when you're dead!

'If you haven't done anything wrong, why did you hire a lawyer?'