Graduate Gladiator Gifts

'Tell me. Did the 253 internships come before or after the Ph.D in English?'

Hear me, Graduates!

"I feel your pain."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

American Football.

I'm Spartacus.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

Football.

Punishment for the kicker.

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Waiting for the results.

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

Football Blockers.

'No exceptions, Caldwell! If you want to make this team, you've got to make it past my mother-in-law!'

'Oh, great. Leonard's got quarterback on his jersey. No amount of bleach is going to get THAT out.'

It's payback time at the sadistic dentist's office.

You Don't Know What It's Like

'It's so cool we have another test today.'

"Learning percentages has made me realize there's a 50% chance I'll flunk math."

'Uh-oh ... Manning got hit hard, and he's not getting up.'

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

Power Point Hell

"Yes, it's report card time again."

"Good news, you are virus free and should be able to resume hitting each other in the heads as hard as possible this fall."