Government Accountant Gifts

I want to be an accountant for the government.

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

"Another 3% 'efficiency' savings...how do the beancounters at treasury come up with these figures?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

In basket-case.

Profit

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."