Government Accountant Gifts

I want to be an accountant for the government.

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

"Another 3% 'efficiency' savings...how do the beancounters at treasury come up with these figures?"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

British savings accounts

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

In basket-case.

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Profit

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?