Gourmet Reminiscer T-Shirts

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

La Table

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

Haute Chinese

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

Thermidor Dali

Join me for dinner?

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Cheese Pile

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'How was the squid?'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."