Gourmet Prophet T-Shirts

Gastrodamus.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

To do before Saturday...

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

French wine

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"