Gourmet Bibliophile T-Shirts

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

Cook in the cookery section.

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Join me for dinner?

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Avocado Timeline

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."