Gourd Hoarder Pillows

'It's to help me cut down on gourds and such. It's the pumpkin patch.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

Old Spice

Classic Emojis for sale.

'We'll take two sets, for upstairs and downstairs.'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"Are you outta your gourd?!!"

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

Paul was certain he had the largest pumpkin, until he discovered he was the smallest man.

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

The gold price chart.

"My financial advisor says buy gold"

Halloween fishbowl.

Thank you, Thank you... One quick announcement - The owner of a large orange gourd - Please move your vehicle - You're parked on a loading zone.

'One day we're all spooking and cool...and just like that, we're out on the curb.'

Mrs. Bortluber saves all the gunk she cleans from her computer.

A barrage of CDs.

'Yes Ma'am, I do pick up unwanted hives.'

Sometimes hearing, 'You're nuts!' is a good thing.

"And WHO let those $10 in ExtraBucks die?"

I know, it's true - Never go hardware shopping on an empty toolbox. Saw.

"Aren't you supposed to get rid of the old mobile, when you buy a new one."

Happy Halloween from the Gourds

"Last Black Friday I bought these pillows to be prepared for this Black Friday."

"I hate going to the grocery store, so I bought a refrigerator that holds enough food for a year."

Toilet Paper Inheritance

Discovering who steals all the pens in the office.

"Panic-buying in expectation of a public sector strike."

"Congratulations! You've won a lifetime supply of school supplies."

"You can have my disinfectant when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!"

"As you can see, I have a ton of tools. I just don't have a hammer or a screwdriver."