Gothic Storyteller Gifts

'Listen, I'm grateful to be alive at all, I just think it's shoddy work...I mean, would it have killed him to make the bolts flush with my neck?'

'Frankendumpty'

"You've been grinding your fangs."

"The woods are out for black masses. They're always full of teddy bears having picnics!"

'Oh dear, doc - the villagers have launched a protest campaign on facebook.'

Non discrimination to Vampires

'Do you ever look into a mirror and not recognise the person looking back at you?'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We only got six days of funding."

Edgar Allen Poe

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Ghost School.

Out To Lurch

"Eat my dust!"

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Phoenix

"....and hold the garlic."

Santa CGI Effect

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

Trilby - 'Ca fera une fameuse crapule de moins'

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

"I know we're not supposed to invite them over the threshold dear, but it seemed awfully rude to leave him standing on the doorstep."

Old Man Journal

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

Old cold warriors home: 'By god, I'll tell you who was soft on communism. . .'

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

Life is ghoul

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

Drunk Vampire

'Humph! When I was your age, I had to do my homework in front of a black and white.'