Gothic Storyteller Gifts

'Listen, I'm grateful to be alive at all, I just think it's shoddy work...I mean, would it have killed him to make the bolts flush with my neck?'

'Frankendumpty'

"You've been grinding your fangs."

"The woods are out for black masses. They're always full of teddy bears having picnics!"

'Oh dear, doc - the villagers have launched a protest campaign on facebook.'

Non discrimination to Vampires

'Do you ever look into a mirror and not recognise the person looking back at you?'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We only got six days of funding."

Edgar Allen Poe

Out To Lurch

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Ghost School.

"Eat my dust!"

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Phoenix

"....and hold the garlic."

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

Santa CGI Effect

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

Bram Stoker

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

Trilby - 'Ca fera une fameuse crapule de moins'

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

Old cold warriors home: 'By god, I'll tell you who was soft on communism. . .'

'Humph! When I was your age, I had to do my homework in front of a black and white.'

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

Life is ghoul

Old Man Journal