Gossipy Companion Gifts

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"I heard they mate for life."

Diving Cat.

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'There's a bench over there why not sit down and rest your weary mouth?'

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

Best friends without borders.

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Solitude is so much better if you have someone to share it with."

Pixie Dust $2.00 A Handfull

White Wine Wisdom (2)

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

'Whatever happened to that platoon of GIs you used to pretend to be at bedtimes?'

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

'No talking' sign at a fishing site.

Zoology. Cheetahs can reach speeds up to sixty miles an hour! Amazing, and yet they never win!

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

"Talk? Hell, after a few drinks you can't shut me up."

"Henpecked?! Don't get me started about being hen-pecked buddy!"

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

Opposing viewpoint.

"You know, after all these years of giving you advice on all. Things personal and professional, it occurred to me that you've never actually asked for my opinion."

"As you can see this is pretty embarrassing so I'd appreciate keeping it between you, me and this fence post."

"Good morning, world!"

McHappy

"Sure, it's disgusting, but it's nice to have something that needs me."

"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."