Gospel Gurus Pillows

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

"She leaked WHAT to the press?"

"I want to be a Jockey."

'I'm good. How are you?'

Walking on Water

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

Valentine for Guru.

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

'Just think of me as your life coach.'

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

'Just think of me as your life coach.'

'Your problem seems to be depression or angst...Depression I charge £75 a session angst is £125.'

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

"Go and spread the Gospel. Hide it in colorful, little eggs for the world to find and be delighted by."

Career Guidance Office '...then again, what do I know; look where I work.'

Religious man watching religious TV

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

"I'm sorry Gary, but my twelve apostles are enough. We don't also need a mascot."

"My philosophy is to sell advice not follow it!"

The Teachings of Jesus: Day 1

"Go and spread the Gospel. Hide it in colorful, little eggs for the world to find and be delighted by."

"He sounds like a papaya I bought that just went straight from green to rotten."

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'

'If everything is illusory, why should I listen to you?'

Huldrych Zwingli (Zwinglianism)

"Matthew, Mark, Luke, Peter. John you are out of order again."

'I don't know anything about Nirvana - I came up here to DIET.'

"What I lack in formal education I make up for in dexterity using search engines."