Gospel Geeks Pillows

'You called for tech support?'

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

Welsh airport arrivals.

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

'He's got your nose.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

The-Lead-Us-Not-Into Temptations

'This reminds me...what generation iPhone are you?'

Little Richard

Albertus Magnus

How Moms explain.

'I've turned into my mother.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'Nuts, nuts, nothing but nuts!' When Squirrels Search Their Family Trees.

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"

Antcestry.com

"A beautiful baby. Who does he take after?"

"Your genes may be responsible for your way to going but I'm thinking that the four cheeseburgers you may have for breakfast might be a factor."

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."

Walking on Water

She always had her flute... just in case.

Thomas Dorsey.

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"I seriously doubt that's going to count."

Supply was out of harps.

Performance Review

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'