Golf Newbie Gifts

Mulligan's first mulligan.

'I've always wanted to try this - hand me one of those bat things...'

"It's a special golf bag for beginners - It has a built-in GPS."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

Olympics create interest in curling.

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

Clock Face Golf Set

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

'Hey, Dad! How about a round of computer golf?'

Hole in forty-seven.

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

'I'm no good at push ups.'

'Remember I said almost anyone can learn to play golf, well you're the almost.'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

Caution - Student Driver.

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

These trainers are rubbish...I've had them for three weeks and I'm still fat and unfit!

Billy strip: dad's exercise won't last.

'The fat loss pills don't work if you eat 845 of them a day!'

"I'm going to bed, I have an early tee time tomorrow."

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

x"It wasn't a bad swing, but you're still moving your head."

"This fitness app predicts pulled muscles and a lot of crying. I'm assuming it's you it's referring to."

Egg Golf

'How did the first game go?' - 'I hit a ball in one.'

'How do you do that, goddamit!?'

'So, you're new at the game.'

Fitness centre has man exhausted from filling in application form.