Goldfish Observer T-Shirts

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"I don't do windows."

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

'Next!'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

'So what have you been up to?'

"This place could use a moat!"

Taking goldfish for a walk.

"I think we are overfeeding the fish!"

"We have to get out of here! They're saying boil ALL water!"

'Do you make fish cakes? It's his birthday!'

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

Fishbowl Rebellion

"Take the goldfish. If it's still alive in six months, call us for another interview."

Hope and pray it's nothing more than a 'Spectator Sport'!'

'Well, I think it's dreadful coming home and taking it out on poor Freddy like that.'

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'Do you mind if I have a friend spend the night?'

'Don't you find watching people relaxing?'

'I tell you they switched us when they changed the water. That's my husband over there.'

George realized that eating up the neighbourhood had caused a certain extent of loneliness.

'Where's your goldfish?'

"Wait a minute! It's not good to go swimming right after eating!"

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

'Something tells me we're in a heap of trouble.'

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

'Turbidity is pretty high today, better keep the kids inside...'

World of Cow - Goldfish aren't the only ones to grow into their environments.