Golden Wedding Anniversary Pillows

'That's where you're wrong. I have bought you something really appropriate for our Golden Wedding anniversary...'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'This is such an appropriate way for us to celebrate our GOLDEN wedding anniversary."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Frog to frog: 'Do you promise to love me warts and all?'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"NOW can I shoot you out of a cannon?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

Couples' therapy

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"