Golden Rule Geeks Gifts

'But what if you're a masochist...?'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"I've been genetically modified!"

School. I like solving problems with X's and Y's, so I'll probably go into either math or genetics!

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

Ideas that failed: Goliath Goats.

'Darling, we were made for each other.'

'He's got your tattoos.'

DNA Xmas.

Baldness Facts

Alexei Kosygin

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

Genetic Manipulation

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

An inbred poodle.

'You may share 85% of your genetic material with him, but I share 5% tops.'

"First the artillery softens them up. Then the armored division moves in, followed by the infantry. And remember: we're dealing with hardened asylum seekers."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

DNA Lab. I spliced bee DNA into a dam-building rodent

Brian works in stem cell research

"Cloning is all very well in theory, but do you have any proof it can actually work?"

'I'm afraid our worst suspicions have been confirmed - we found slug, snail and a trace amount of puppydog tail.'

Dolly, Twenty Years Later

Elementary Genetics

'I told you this would make a lousy birthday present.'

'We'd like something new and improved for dinner.'

The Right-Wing's Five Steps of Climate Change

"It's amazing how much he's like one of his dads."

Tonight's Debate. Nature versus Nurture. You believe in heredity over environment? Yep --- I was just born that way.

'Hon, come quick! I think we have a major computer bug.'

Ineffective conducting.