Golden Ager Gifts

'Sex is good!'

Home for Seniors.

"We better be nice to young people. After all, they donate to our soup kitchen."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Albert & Myra - The End Story

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Aging Support Group

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'I'm fighting ageing.'

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

"You're this age and never had surgery? Aren't you curious?"

"I'm not worrying. I've got most of my money in handbaskets."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"Well, old girl, this is the third act. What, if anything, do we have up our sleeve?"

'She's determined to grow old gracefully.'

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

Bad times for retirees.

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

'Since when did they change 50 years from 'Golden Anniversary' to 'Remote Control Anniversary?''

"Why is there a picture of an old man in the bathroom?"

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

Pension Forecasts

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

"I told you they'd chuck us off the bus with those smelly egg butties."

"My first wasn't much, so I retired early to take advantage of my second childhood."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

Happy Golden Anniversary!

"To assume Leonard has a bucket list, you have to first assume he actually wants to do anything."

Yul Brynner

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"