Golden Age Guru Pillows

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Yul Brynner

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Aging Support Group

"Feel my claw of death!"

Guru.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

Sculptor's chippings

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

OM, SWEET OM

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"You idiot! I said, 'Buy more gold', not mold!!"

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."