Going Through A Tough Time Pillows

'First I lose my job... then my wife leaves me... and now my house burns down! What else could possibly go wrong!?'

'He doesn't have enough friends to join the Facebook Generation.'

'That sure was a disaster of a first date!'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Large Emoticon Collider

Meditation

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

When life gives you lemons...

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"I think we should each try other beers."

"This is Miss Jones, Doctor - I want you to cheer her up. She's been through hell recently."

Cashflow - The milkman is here.

Boxing with yourself

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

Marriage Guidance: 'Next!'

'Cheer up, Lenny -- We all have our bad decades.'

"I need a hug."

'Invisible elephants take longer to acknowledge that live rhinos.'

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

'Listen... that sound... we're scraping the bottom of the barrel.'

"Don't ever give up, Marjorie. I never thought I'd meet anyone either."

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

'Please continue.'

Sympathetic Friends

"It's the right drink in the right place at the right time."

"I spy with my little eye something heading toward divorce."

'I often come here to unwind.'

If one of us is guilty, the others have to promise to send this photo to him in prison

"I'm ignoring him because I took his ex's side in the breakup."

"Oh, I'm just riding out the cycle."