Going On A Luxury Holiday T-Shirts

"£200,000, that's going to but one great holiday."

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

La Table

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

There is no hurricane season in Aruba...

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Do not disturb...

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

The Desert Island Package

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

'It's the bill for your trip to France. When you called to ask if it was okay to bathe in Champagne, I thought you meant the place.'

"One day he went for a swim in our infinity pool, and I haven't seen him since."

The Queen Mary 2: World's largest ocean liner.

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

Shops Shops Shops - 'I've just remembered! We came here to catch a flight!'

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

How to spot a tourist on the beach.

Commuter on the Orient Express

'Forget economy! Put us down for every frill you got!'

"What's the best ailment I could claim to convince my husband that I need a luxury cruise?"

'Can't I just travel on my learjet and have fun on my yacht and quit the stupid, boring political part of my presidency?'

"I know all about the rising costs of rent, utilities and food. I was thinking about it on the company jet on the way to my holiday house on the Cote D'Azur, but I'm afraid the company is under too much financial pressure to give you a raise."

"This is the life -- I'm never travelling Economy again!"

Room service.

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

'Tomorrow morning I would like breakfast in bed.'

'Lager Lout'- 'Saga Lout'

Private Jet

'Travel agency - Ego trips our specialty'

All set for the summer holiday!

Fake News: Dear Mam and Dad....Lovely and sunny here, must dash all pubs giving free beer....