Gluten-jester Gifts

"Whole wheat toast. Leave the gluten in."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'He's all eyes!'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

Good Cholesterol.

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

A Complex Carb.

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

"Just how rare is this steak..."

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Middle Age Spread.

Genetic Research Institute - "Darling we were made for each other."

'Okay! Who changed my screensaver?'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Hoopla!'

Watering a plant in the rain.

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

"Just a few pumps more...!"

Waste Not

'The frowsting bacchant kept his shelty vicinal.'

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."