Glove-clad Humorist Pillows

'Awfully glad you could make it,old boy and please excuse the gloves,won't you?'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Clown on bike.

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Honest Vending

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

Meowlzebub

300 cows in a field...grazing!

'Like you, I don't know why they feed us every day, but as long as they do it, I'll stay...'

'Damn, I'm out of earshot!'

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"Roadkill cookies"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I told you not to order the chocolate cream surprise.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"What do cows do in their spare time?"

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'