Unapologetic Humorist Pillows

So, are you completely over your last relationship? Yes, I'm glad to say. They're doing some great things with penicillin these days.

Ethics exam cheater.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Clown on bike.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

Kultural K9's.

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'