Globe-trotter Appreciating Financial Humor Pillows

'We still attract money from investors who have a more original and basic concept of the world.'

British savings accounts

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Budget Cuts

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'Business is very good. We'll soon be moving to smaller premises.'

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"Pour yourself a drink - the news isn't too good"

I'm not guilty of insider trading. I've been out here all afternoon!

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

'Boy - when they say don't miss a payment,they mean it.'